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"Why do bad things happen to good people?"
When tragedy strikes, it can be difficult to process our emotions. Full confession: I wasn't even excited when I found out she was pregnant. In fact, I was kind of upset. We already had three kids, and we thought we were done. This one was unplanned. It was an "accident" baby.
My outlook began to change when I saw how excited my daughters were to have another little baby on the way. A couple of our friends found out that they were pregnant around the same time, and Bethany was excited to go through the joys of pregnancy with them. In the span of just a few short weeks, I had actually started to grow excited about having another baby as well.
But then, I got the phone call. I was on a field trip with my students on an October Thursday. My phone was going crazy with texts, and then calls. I finally stepped aside to call back and find out what was going on. She said I needed to come home. She was worried she was losing the baby.
I didn't even have my car with me, since we rode a school bus to the field trip. My principal offered to drive me to the hospital. She raced there as quickly as she could, but by the time I got there, the doctor had already given Bethany the news. She was having a miscarriage.
I wanted to be strong for my wife. I wanted to be strong for my kids. How could we even tell them what happened? How do you explain death to a small child? How do you explain what just came out of Mommy's body - a little blob of blood and tissue that was small enough to fit in the palm of my hand?
The only ways I knew how to process my emotions were to pray and to write. Eventually, those words turned into this song.
'What we give in life, we also will give in death
So we buried you and we named you Elizabeth"
lyrics
LYRICS:
I'm sitting here writing, I’m looking at pictures
Up on the wall of your three bigger sisters
I’m sitting here wiping my tears with a napkin
Trying to explain to your sisters what happened
They used to always rub Mommy’s belly and kiss you
Never even met you, but they really miss you
Catalina especially, and man, does that mess with me
How do I tell her that death was your destiny?
How do I tell her this shovel’s to bury you?
It’s only been ten weeks that Mom got to carry you
So very few, we felt like we barely knew
Anything about you except that you barely grew
And that didn’t feel right, it didn’t feel finished yet
You were my baby, and time can't diminish that
What we give in life, we also will give in death
So we buried you and we named you Elizabeth
CHORUS:
Every single day that goes by
I find myself wondering why
I'm swallowing my tears, wallowing in fear
That sometimes God’s plans aren't all that they appear
Instead of birthday parties and inviting all your peers
I'm reminded of your absence in October every year
As Mom and I bring our broken hearts to the light
I pray we’d have peace on the darkest of nights
Cause I can’t help but feel that I’m caught in the crosshairs
Of faith and despair, my inheritance lost heirs
We waited with baited breath and prayed that you’d make it, Beth
It’s a cold world, we have no way of delaying death
Time heals all wounds, but it’s slower than paying debt
When it rains and the pain’s as sharp as a bayonet
To stay in check I’ve got nothing but praying left
And writing these words as a small way to pay respect
What we give in life, we also will give in death
So I just want to say that I love you, Elizabeth
CHORUS:
Every single day that goes by
I find myself wondering why
We never got to see you bring joy to the world
We never even knew if you’re a boy or a girl
I had to assume you’re a girl like the other three
I had to make room for God’s grace to cover me
It's hard to believe it was all in his plan
When your whole body fit in the palm of my hand
But faith grows stronger the longer the test
It goes beyond Earth and my love is stronger than death
I went to the back yard and buried your brittle frame
Consecrated you and chose Faith as your middle name
Choosing to believe that the offer won’t rescind
Knowing grace is not dependent on how often we have sinned
I’m gonna grow from this, throwing caution to the wind
And refusing to believe that a coffin is the end
What we give in life, we also will give in death
I just want to hold you one more time, Elizabeth
Songwriter and producer CRFT celebrates his spirituality and family on this thoughtful debut LP, featuring Blu, nobigdyl, and more. Bandcamp New & Notable May 10, 2022
