Nightmares bring back memories of my past life
No matter how much time elapses I remember it like last night
I’d trespass right into places I’d lose control
Hit the glass, bruise the skull, gain the world, lose the soul
Then have the nerve to ask somebody else “why are you sinful?”
Like God paid my dues in full and now I’m his property
Even though I’m too lazy to even try to hear him talk to me
I’m a living sacrifice, but what am I offering?
I’m sloppily falling into mediocrity
It's locking me in, I'm becoming a mockery
But I can only blame myself for the lack of mutual tightness
Between us, cause I gave in even to the slightest
Temptations, the slyest manipulations, no patience
Ignoring octagons on the road of dissemination
Excuses are useless, this continually diffuses
Why do I give in, why can’t I just elude this?
The truth is I can, but I just can’t seem to prove this
Falling short of my capacity and having the audacity
To pretend I’m man enough to do the simple things he’s asked of me
My system is ailing, failing to remove the crap in me
As a tapeworm makes way to my soul and feeds off of it
My intentions and actions fuse into exact opposites
I wanna see true, but can I see past the false?
I wanna see you, but can I see past the walls?
I got a knack and faculty to crack the shackles
But it’s so hard to break em like a Patrick Willis tackle
On my knees you’ll find me trying to tear the chains that bind me
Like chronic diseases, I’m free in the name of Jesus
CHORUS: I’m more than ready, I wanna die
To my selfish self, I wanna fly
Into a sky of freedom, I wonder why
I keep living like this and can’t be man enough to fight this (x2)
Man enough to close my eyelids
And ignore the voice inside my head saying “try this”
Despite this trend of apathy and its vice grips
Despite the crap I see the darker the night gets
I wanna be able to know for sure where the light is
Cause I’m scared as hell of this carousel
I’m chokin’, I’m broken, and it’s not fair to tell
You otherwise, it’s not all peaches and butterflies
Brothers and sisters, you might wanna shut your eyes
Cause things done in dark will eventually come to light
It’s a masquerade, let’s play charades, the role I’ve played
A man who prayed and made himself out to be holy
Fully aware that this gravity can pull me
Down to earth and rip band-aids off my self-worth
So it keeps bleeding
Despite rebirth I keep conceding
To selfishness, helpin this sinful heart to keep beating
Speeding up, this dire fire of desire is heating up
And burning the flock
We fall time and again like babies learning to walk
And “I’m only human” is a played out excuse
Cause I know better by now, but it’s like my neck’s in a noose,
And I can get it loose, but I can’t get rid of it,
Time to flip the script, I’m sick of it, I’m a hypocrite
I can say I love you all I want but I can’t prove it
Until I consciously grab hold of this noose and remove it
And take my cross and carry it, and take myself and bury it
Cause there’s no way in hell I’ll be the next Judas Iscariot
CHORUS
credits
from Gospel of Hatred,
released June 11, 2013
Beat by Sound Scientists
Songwriter and producer CRFT celebrates his spirituality and family on this thoughtful debut LP, featuring Blu, nobigdyl, and more. Bandcamp New & Notable May 10, 2022